So today was the first day that I had to step back and think about the balance of discipline and "letting things go." Having a child in the hospital you have to ask how much discipline should be administered when your child crosses the line, or do you let it go because well he's in the hospital.
Isaac crossed more than one line this morning I would say mostly out of anger at me because he is now in PT and has to wear his brace all day. I had to walk away from him this morning and leave because I almost jumped on top of him. At home he would have been punished immediately for what he did, but being in the hospital surrounded by nurses and social workers that wasn't really an option. I've had people say that I need to just deal because he's in pain, scared, and confused.
But this morning he was just plain mean. In his mind it's safe to do so because he knows I'll always come back to him and won't leave. So in some ways I guess I'm lucky that he trusts me, in others I wish he did act out like that.
So today was a bad day. I guess this is only the first of many to come...
7 comments:
Hugs dear! I guess you could say that at least he's feeling well enough to be sassy?
I feel for you J - that would be a tough situation for both of you to be in - Iman for having to wear the stinky brace, and you for being taking the brunt of his anger :( Maybe tug on the short hairs on the back of his neck when no one is looking, or while giving him a hug? Retaliation FEELS SO GOOD!
I am so sorry. I don't know how I would handle that. It's a tough one for sure. :0( Hugs to you. Angel
It will pass.
Talk about a rock and a hard place. Thank you for sharing details so that we can pray specifically for you both. When I am trying to find the balance with my kids, I tend to cling to the same verse over and over...
All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful. But to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Hebrews 12:11
Have you asked the PT crew or social workers their take on the situation? Even though this is new stomping ground for you and Isaac, I am sure the people who work there see the same struggles/battles with parents and children everyday. I can't imagine the things you are going through and our family will continue to pray for your family.
Jena
I agree with Jena. The social workers are there for a reason, and they'll help you find that balance you're looking for. How wonderful that he is secure enough to give it to you and know you'll still be by his side.
Kristy
Hey Jocelyn, it's been a while since we've talked. Thank you for posting so publicly and honestly. From a "nurse's" point of view, our education and training teach us that the kids still need structure and discipline even when they are in the hospital. It can be very difficult to think about disciplining while he's in there, and going through what he is going through. The nurses and social workers there will tell you the same thing. You guys are truly blessed to be at CHoLA where the staff are all trained and geared toward treating kids (physically, emotionally, and developmentally).
Just as you are learning the types of "lashing out episodes" he has depending on if he is in pain, is frustrated, or when he's being plain mean, you also need to learn how to respond to it. Frustration and anger (feelings) are ok, but being acting out by being mean, spiteful, or hateful are NOT ok. Work with the nurses (since you know we are there ALL the time) and the social workers to help Isaac know how to express his anger and frustration. Even the adults that I deal with in the hospital are allowed to be scared, angry, or confused, they are not allowed to be mean or take their anger out on me. I have had to walk away several times, and come back later to explain that I will not allow them to talk to me that way (unless they are plain out of their minds, because THAT'S useless :P).
Isaac IS going through a lot right now, and he IS in pain (which makes EVERYTHING harder to handle), but he can't get away with bad behavior. I love Jena's advice, or shall I say, Godly wisdom. Take the time to discuss emotions vs actions with Isaac, and teach him to ask you for a "time out" when he can express all of his frustration and anger (not towards you, of course). He needs to get it out, and you will find that after the dam breaks and it all gushes out, he will be ready to get back on task, emotionally and behaviorally.
I will be praying for you, and for Isaac during this time of dark, and deep waters. Remember that even in the dark and deep waters, that God is STILL there, holding us up, and giving us the energy to keep moving forward.
Much love from North Carolina,
Julia
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