Anyone who says it is, is a dirty liar. Adoption is hard. Probably the hardest thing you will ever do. EVER! Marathons have NOTHING on Adoption, bucket lists are a cake walk compared to adoption. There is a whole other side to Michael Orr's story that they did NOT show you in that movie.
Now let's take a step back.
If you adopt say a 2 day old infant, you will probably have a decent go of it, assuming you didn't adopt the baby of a crack addict that was smoking up during labor (in that case you are in the same boat as the rest of us).
Adoption of any child that has spent any amount of time in the system (foster care, orphanage, hospital) is going to come with challenges. If that child was not swaddled and loved from day one with a primary care giver then they are going to come to you broken.
But the secret truth is, Broken can be fixed. I recently joined a facebook group of mothers that all adopted from Liberia. I was amazed to find out how many of them have divorced (since adopting) disrupted their adoptions (given the kid to the system because they can't handle them and their problems), or sent their kids away to "camps" to be rehabilitated.
Almost all of them. I listen to these women talk and most will blame their adoptions for their problems. The problems started when their kids came home.
With Isaac, we had some seriously hard times. There were days when I swear he was going to kill me in my sleep. Nights I would spend sitting on him so he wouldn't throw another metal bookend at my head. The day my husband proposed to me, Isaac was in a closet (his own doing) screaming, "YOU CAN'T HAVE HER!!!"
But I NEVER gave up on him. Because behind all the anger, all the pain, all the hatred, I saw a broken little boy who has been abandoned, shoved aside, told he was nothing, left in the dirt to die. I could see that boy, and I could see the boy he wanted to be.
With a lot of love, a lot of patience, understanding, and a whole lot of therapy with an awesome guy named Daryl, we made it through. I listen to these women speak of the pain in their lives, and I can't relate, because I truly have the most amazing son on the planet. He is so loved (and he knows it) and he loves back with the same amount of passion. He is loving, helpful, smart, funny, kind, compassionate, giving, and the most wonderful boy soon to be a wonderful man. This kid is the very beat of my heart.
But it was hard. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. There were days that I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. We are 9 days away from flying to China. 14 days away from picking up our son Jack.
I have started to remember the hard days with Isaac, the days that would never make it into our Academy Award winning movie. We are about to embark on those days again. This time I will have a partner, a friend, a husband to help me through it.
But adoption is hard, the hardest thing you will ever do, but the greatest! Here we go again.
3 comments:
Thank you for so wonderfully stating this. Adoption is hard and so is raising a child. My daughter came home to us from Liberia at 3, and was luckily loved by her birth mother, who just was not able to provide for her and that is why she turned to adoption. But even with all that in her corner, 11 years later she still does have abandonment issues due to the time she spent in the orphanage, which was less than a year. I think she will always worry about being left behind.
I'm praying for you guys & for Jack. For sure, this last week in itself has been one of my hardest with Charlie. You are one of the strongest chics I know & you will be the perfect mama for Jack- Through all the hard times, there will come much good. That is what I keep telling myself when I lose myself in the now. Great post! Thanks for writing it- Nicole
I love your blog and I love how passionate you are about what you write! Can't wait to hear more. God Bless you on your trip to China!
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