I Broke a Promise

Today I feel like I broke a promise. The last month has been so hard. The waiting might have been easier if I had never met Isaac. But I did. I got to hold him in my arms, watch him sleep, smell his hair, watch him laugh at himself in the mirror, and hear him say “yo my ma.” And then I left.

I promised him, I’d be right back. And now I feel like Tom Hanks in “Cast Away”. He promised to be right back, and four years later he does, but life has changed and those he loved have moved on. They told me that Isaac cries because he misses me. Part of me is happy about that, cause I know that he hasn’t given up on me yet. The other part of me, feels like a failure, cause there is nothing I can do to get back to Liberia sooner.

I fear he'll stop crying for me to come back. He'll give up on me and my promise.

There is a song on Charity’s Blog, called “You raise me Up”. I went on her blog to read the latest news on her two girls adoptions, and the song started to play. I lost it right there at my desk.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up—to more than I can be

There is no life—no life without its hunger
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly
But when you come and I am filled with wonder
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up—to more than I can be

I don’t care if I’m raised up, I just pray that God raises Isaac up, so he understands why each day he wakes up and I’m not there, like I promised. I don’t cry because of my own needs, I cry for his, cause I’m suppose to be there to provide for him, and I’m not.