47%

47% that's my son's lung capacity and if you are wondering, no it's not good.  The lowest it should be is around 72%.  So Isaac normal size 8 year old lungs can't expand enough in his 3 year old size chest.  So there's some concern, but he should be okay for surgery, but this is one more reason why he needs surgery so bad.  His lungs are healthy but there's no room and if you have met Isaac you know that his heart is just too big and takes up a lot of room!

Lately Isaac's been really clingy.  I asked him why he keeps hanging on me all the time and he said, "because you're cute!"

I have to say that I have so much respect and admiration for doctors.  I think people in general take them for granted until they need them.  When I walk through the halls of Children's Hospital and I see the doctors walking through the halls, I want to stop each and everyone of them and tell them how much they mean to me and my son.  How much they mean to every child in the building.  So I think we should have "Hug a Doctor" day.  When you see a doctor, give them a hug.  Tell them how much they mean.  It makes me wonder if it's too late for me to go back to med-school?  

It's been a very interesting month.  I have fallen so in love with my son this month.  It's hard to explain to people who haven't gone through the struggles of adopting an older child, but as I spend time alone with Isaac I have begun to slowly understand his pain and sadness, and it breaks my heart, but opens it even more to him.

We were waiting for an appointment today and Isaac has gotten to spelling everything he sees.  If he sees a word he spells it out loud and then says the word he just spelled.  He saw the word "love", and without thinking he said, "L-O-V-E, Elizabeth".  I looked at him and said "what?"  He said it again, "L-O-V-E, Elizabeth".  Elizabeth is his birth mother's name.  It almost broke out into tears, because he didn't even realize what he had just said.  He spell Love, but then said his B-ma's name.  None of us will ever understand what our children go through when they are given away, left behind, let go of.

Isaac's smile hides a lot.  Inside him is a sadness, an extreme fear, and a brokenness. I believe for a moment Isaac expressed something that was deep inside his heart that needed to be expressed.  "Love, Elizabeth".  All I could say is, "Yes, L-O-V-E...Elizabeth, she is love, she showed me what love is Isaac."