Thanksgiving & Reality

The days leading up to Thanksgiving were fun to say the least...my favorite moment so far was Isaac climbing in the freeze at the store to pick out the biggest turkey he could find. He was actually in the freezer digging around. I watched him dig through the frozen birds, yelling at me, "mommy it's cold!" then going back to his work. He pulled out an 18.7 pound bird and said "This one! This is the big one!"

Yesterday was an emotional day for me. I woke up with an intense feeling of emotions that I had no idea what to do with. As I helped Isaac get dressed I realized that this was our first Thanksgiving together. He asked me a hundred time "When does Thanksgiving start?" "It is Thanksgiving right now Isaac." "Then we eat now?" He really wanted to eat his "Giant chicken!"

While the turkey was in the oven, we went to see "August Rush". In a pivotal scene in the movie when August (an orphan) is reuniting with his family, Isaac took my hand. I know he had no idea that the moment he was grabbing my hand was rather cinematic in itself, in that moment in the darkness of the theater I cried, because I couldn't imagine the pain I would feel if I didn't have him with me anymore. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I don't think my heart would know how to beat without him in my life.

I spent the rest of the day pushing off tears. Every time I looked at him, I realized how blessed I was to have him here with me. There are no words to describe what I felt today. Last Thanksgiving Isaac wasn't even a fleeting thought in my mind. I had seen his photo, but I had NO intention of adopting him at that time, and I didn't spend even a single thought on him. I am amazed at all that God has done in my life in under a year. I went from being just me, to being a mother, someone responsible for another life, that is so much more important than myself.

I don't know if a new mother of a infant has these feelings during their first Thanksgiving, but there is something to be said when you are making a huge turkey dinner for a 7 year old child that has never had turkey or green bean casserole. Everything I did, he watch with intensity. He stood on his chair next to me in the kitchen itching to help me in anyway he could. Every beat of the mash potatoes and basting of the turkey, he would ask me "is it Thanksgiving now?" "Isaac Thanksgiving is all day long, it is right now!"

I watch his eyes grow big when I pulled the turkey out of the oven, I watch his enjoyment as I let him mash the potatoes. I listened to the seriousness in his voice, when he said, "more gravy mama, we need plenty of gravy!"

These are experiences that only an adoptive parent of an older child can experience. A day that was just a "normal" holiday for me, has all new meaning. Isaac sat at the table and we said things we were thankful for. He looked at me and said, "I'm thankful for this food, and this sauce, and for my mommy."

I looked at him when he said that, and realized this is my son. This is my little boy. This is my heart and soul sitting across from me in the flesh, eating turkey. This is apart of my very being right here with me.

So today I'm so THANKFUL, because I can honestly say that today this all became real. I've asked when will this feel real. Today it feels real. When I woke up this morning, I yearned to see his beautiful face, I couldn't wait to hear his voice, I couldn't wait another moment to hear him say to me "you no remember?" then cock his head to the side and bat his eyes!

I'm thankful, for my son, because he has shown me what it is to be a woman and a mother.