Okay so I know what you are thinking...when did Jocelyn stop being optimistic?Well I haven't, but that dream haze I have been living in for the last 7 months has started to lift and the Los Angeles smog is taking it's place! They say you have to stop and smell the roses I think I've been pulling over a little to much and forgotten that there's a reality out there that is hard, very hard to deal with.
The move has gone really well. We love the new place and are almost done unpacking. Isaac's after school program is awesome and he's starting Kindergarten on Monday! His first day of Kindergarten, that thought makes me laugh since he's been in school for 5 months already.
But this month has brought forth challenges in my life that I have never had to deal with and unless you are a single mom of an adopted child, trying to date, you will never understand, sorry. Believe me I wish you could, because I could use some advice, I would love to know how to fix certain things, which I have been told I have to just work through. There is no easy fix, it's hard!
A lot of the dreams I had of a perfectly adjusted child, a wonderful loving and instantly accepting man coming into my life, and the world just breaking out into song when I walked by have slowly gone away.
I have found myself "poo pooed" on by people that I love and trust, I have had people pass judgement on me for decisions I have made because they think they know better, in the words of my friend Catie "You don't know me!" And I have finally broken back into reality and realized that life is hard, but you can still enjoy it even through the really hard times.
So I ask you what do you do when the flowers stop smelling sweet...
Well all I can think of is walk down to the Calabasas Saturday Morning Farmers Market and get some new ones, throw out the old ones, and try and find joy even in the hard times.
Someone once said "It's not about loving what you do, it's about finding the love in what you do!"
14 comments:
OH GIRL! I am so sorry you are going through this. That is really hard. You are going through so many transitions in one year- so many life changing decisions so quickly. I absolutely believe that everything you are feeling is normal. I don't really know anyone who has a new kid who doesn't feel like things are wild and off kilter for awhile. I know that must be crazy hard when you are a single momma. You're right. I have no idea. Then the job stuff, the guy stuff, the moving stuff, the medical stuff, the school stuff ACK!!!! You are doing SO great. You keep smelling those flowers and soaking in the joy of each beautiful one. You are an amazing woman and I have no doubt that God is doing extraordinary things in you. It will take more than an ordinary man to be your husband. Ordinary- average just don't cut it for you. You are far beyond average. You have begun walking an amazing path that will lead you places you never even wanted to go- knew you COULD go. You are going to do great things. This is only the begining. I see it. I knew the first time I read your blog that you were something special. You have courage few people EVER discover in themselves- you found it so young. That doesn't make it easy or less frightening. It just means your life will be more profound than any of those people sitting by and shaking their heads at you. I wish I lived close enough to be your real life buddy cause I think you are the stuff. Please know that in my heart I am with you and I believe in what you are doing and in who you are. Hugs, Angel
AMEN!!!!
I am always here if you need anything-but you know that!
Here's to replacing the flowers daily!
Love,
Charity
PS: We can't wait for you guys to get to MT!!
Charity
Between your post and Angel's comment, there isnt much I can say other than KUDO'S to you for living your life with a courage and faith most people will never experience!
Hi - I'm a frequent reader, and have followed your story with Isaac with great interest. I'm single with THREE kids (2 girls and a boy from China) and would love to start a discussion about single adoptive moms and their dating (mis)adventures. I've been on eHarmony for a couple of months; nothing yet but a few interesting guys who close me out and a whole bunch of strange ones who don't :-(
Anyway, I'm feeling your pain. They say they want a dad, but are they really ready to watch me go out the door on a date, and be polite to someone who takes me away from them even for a few hours?
And I know it's going to take a really special man to take us all on - I'd love to find my own Brad Pitt (he doesn't even need to be that gorgeous or rich or young!) but I'm sure afraid there aren't many other men out there like him.
Keep your chin up girl!
Hmm... Well, I know for sure that I don't know what it's like to be a single dating mom, and I'm glad I don't 'cause it sounds REALLY hard.
Even without a third part in the mix, Donnie and I had enough of a roller-coaster, trying to get to know each other well enough to make the biggest decision of our lives. We dated for 2 and a half years before we finally got it figured out. :)
Dating is hard. Parenting is hard. Doing both is nearly impossible. :) But I believe in you! Keep up the good work. I'm cheering you on.
Thanks for sharing your candid thoughts. You are a real person with real joys and struggles, and God has entrusted a lot to you (for good reason...you are handling it great!). I think you are seeking Him and letting Him guide your path as you walk down an unknown road. Angel's comment is right on. You seriously are doing fabulous and I, too, wish I knew you in "real life" because you are amazing (and you are dating someone from E-Harmony, which I also love...but I might be a tad biased...teehee). My MIL once told me "Keep your chin out of your belly button" and I remind myself of that everyday (I go through horrible "I hate my life" phases...mostly revolving around my job situation...bad, I know, but I'm human and working on it, too). God's mercies are new EVERY morning and Satan cannot steal our joy if we don't let him (I know, easier said than done sometimes). Just remember you have a lot of people praying for you (many of whom you haven't even met in person) and you are doing an amazing job with Isaac.
I know you weren't asking for a pep talk, but I just wanted to send some encouragement your way...
Keep on keepin' on...
~Liesl
www.irwin-update.blogspot.com
Oh I've had a similar experience :) Though most of it is not captured on my blog! I'm 24 going on 25 (can finally file my dossier!) and adopting a 6 year old girl that I met in Ethiopia. I lived in Ethiopia for 10 months improving the lives of orphaned children there and fell in love with many children, but one girl in particular had me from the first moment I met her. If you wanna talk, please feel free to email me, the address is on my blog!
You can make it through! Believe me, it's all worth it!!
Doew Liesl know you have a sister named Liesel? I actually think Liesl is the better spelling. more authentic.
To your blog, I say: ya, ya ,ya...
so just get on with it...
But I love you (and my little
(I-man) just the same.
mom
thank God my mom only comments on my blog every once in a while!
He He!
Hi! I found you via Haze...
I just wanted nod in agreement, and say how important it is to find (if you can, obviously) others who are in your shoes... and as coincidence I actually blogged about this today…
Does this mean you are manless? I am sorry. Not that you need one. But I know that you want one. I hope that doesnt sound bad. You are right that some of us cannot relate. But that doesnt mean we cant be here for you!!!
J,
You KNOW I'm cheering you on, too! The longer it takes for you to get to the aisle, the more practice I can do with my photography, and the better your pictures will be... ;0) Hee hee. How's THAT for fresh flowers? ;0)
Love ya!
-Jamie
The day I decided to submit my first huge check to my adoption agency, I saw this on the sign of a church on my way to work. Since then, it's been my motto. You, too, must obviously know what it means.
Jump first, then pray for wings.
Tasha (aka Melissa.. the one with the soaps and lotions)
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