So it's 1 hour 57 minutes till the new year. For the first time in my life I feel this incredible hope for the coming 365 days. Not because we have a new president or because gas prices are low. I feel hope because in 1 hour 56 minutes, I'm going to give 2009 completely away.
I have decided that this year I will set NO resolutions and I will make NO plans. They say that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
I've been doing this all year. I told him I would fall in love in 2008, instead I got my heart broken not once but twice. I told him I would lose that last 15 pounds... I gained 20. I told him my son would snowboard with me over Christmas in Mammoth, he took away the use of his legs. I gave my heart again in friendship to a man who dropped me like a hat, never looking back. And yet with all the pain I have felt this past year, I wouldn't change a single moment. I wouldn't trade a single day in the hospital with my son, or the moments those men broke my heart. Because all the heart ache, tears, sadness, and disappointment has brought me to this place.
Now don't for even a moment think that I'm saying God punished me for my hopes, dreams, and plans. Not at all. He just had other plans for me and I was too busy to see them. When we are so focused on what we want, it hurts us sometimes when God gives us what we need. He gave me what I needed this year.
The time in the hospital I bonded with my son and earned his trust in a way I don't think I would have done outside of that place, and my mom bonded with her grandson, even in the mist of great pain and sorrow, they forged a relationship that can never be broken. When I walked away from my relationships I learned what kind of men I don't want raising my son. When I lost my friend, I found a God who healed my heart and when we went home for Christmas, I got a chance to renew and rest with my family, something I so desperately needed.
Everything that I viewed as a disappointment at the time, looking back, turned out to be the best part of my year. So in 1 hour 48 minutes, I'm giving this year to God. I make no plans for this year, I give it completely to him. I make no plans for my career, I give it him. I make no plans to see my son run again, I give it to him. I make no plans to fall in love, I give it to him.
This year I'm planning for only one thing... To be Surprised! By what he has planned.
11 comments:
What a great attitude! You have a great blog and a great story. Happy New Year!
Love it! Have you watched "Dan in Real Life"? You might want to ... your post is an excellent way to start the new year!
What a great perspective! I pray for the same in the coming year.
Wow! Sounds like a good resolution to me! What a year it's been. I can't wait to see what He has in store for you this year.
Happy New Year!
Tessa, "Dan In Real Life" is one of my favorite movies!
Your plan sounds good to me! I'm trying to do the same-- things don't go as planned when we make too much of a plan! ;) Happy January!
You already amaze me and that is a surprise. Most people disappoint me. You, my dear sweet wonderful woman, absolutely AMAZE the heck out of me!
That's awsome. I love it, and it's so true. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
Tina
I just saw "Dan in Real Life" after Christmas - and I love it too! When I read this post, I was instantly reminded of it!
Amen. I am learning some of the same lessons through different circumstances, but every painful trial has brought me closer to my Father and closer to where He wants me to be.
I chose to give this year's plans to Him too.
His are way better than ours anyway!
Blessings to you and your son,
Holly
awesome plan!
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