The Final Picture

Life is like a puzzle. At least my life is. You have to find all the pieces, they've been scattered all over the floor by your baby brother, and you have to find each one and place it where it belongs. He doesn't scatter the pieces to be mean or make it hard on you, it's just that if he left them in the box for you to grab one at the time, would that be living??? I think not.

So we spend our lives searching for the pieces. Some are in plain sight easy to find, other have fallen into the crevices and corners and you must to search to find them. Decision and sacrifices must be made in order to finish the puzzle.

They say life flashes before your eyes in the final moments your life begins to fade from this place, for the first time you are able to see the whole picture. All the pieces you have fought and searched for, putting in the right place, will have formed a picture of your life.

The pieces are the dreams we dream, the decisions we make.

Next month will be 3 years since Isaac came home. Finding his piece took 15 years of my life. I saw the hole the piece was leaving (it was huge) and I knew what the piece looked like, but I couldn't find it. Then one rainy day in October 2006 I found his piece. The piece was much smaller than I ever imagined. 27 pounds, 32 inches tall, and had been hiding for 7 years. I looked at the piece, knew it was the one, but wasn't sure how something so small would fill such a large space.

Then in May 2007 I made my first attempt to put the piece where it belonged.

At first glance it didn't seem possible. He walked like a duck because his back was so twisted, he was the tinniest thing I had ever seen, and my first thought was not "This is my son, this is the piece, I am so in love." Oh No, my first thought was "Holy crap he has dwarfism too!!!"

Then something magical happened. He jumped in my arms and laughed out loud when I said, "I'm your mum!" My first real experience with total rejection. This could not be the piece I thought it was. Then he looked at me, put his hands on my face and said, "mama." I could feel the small fragile piece growing in my arms.

It would take another 3 months before the piece was really mine. In August 2007 I traveled back around the world, and on Friday August 17th, I picked up my son, the piece that had been missing in my life for 15 years, and placed him in this puzzle that is my life. His tiny 7 year old, 27 pound piece filled 1/3 of my puzzle. Who would have thought.

For the next two years my life was busy, I pushed the puzzle away, stopped searching the other missing pieces, and focused on him. He has been my heart, my soul, my very reason for being.

Then in May 2009 I stumbled across a piece I knew not only I needed but he did too, I had given up hope of finding this piece.

We talked and emailed for two months. Then Thursday July 2, 2009, we went on our first date. It was instant. He was the one. My champion. I went home that night and I knew I would marry him. I knew he was the piece we were both missing. There was no doubt in my mind, that the piece of my life, my puzzle that I had given up all hope of ever finding, there is was, waiting for me to pick it up. I took the piece and put it in its place. It filled another 1/3 of my picture. The "hole" in my life

was quickly filling up. The piece was so large, it even filled part of Isaac's puzzle. He has never had a father, a daddy, a Papa. Who would have thought that one piece could fit two puzzles so well.

So life is carrying on. In 101 days I will marry this man. He will be forever mine, and I will be forever his. I often find myself pushing my incomplete puzzle aside. It's pretty full, so many of dreams have come true, that I have been pressed to dream new dreams.

But there is still a piece missing. A piece that I often find myself glancing out of the corner of my eye, only to look again and it's gone. Where are you? When will I find you? I know who you are. I can see your face in my dreams. I can feel you. Just like I did the others. If only I could find that last missing piece. It's close. I know it is. I just can't quite grasp it.

But that's life right. If the pieces of the puzzle were easy to find, that wouldn't be living, and I am having way to much fun to stop now.